The unexpected.    5/30/13

The surprises you encounter when you least expect them. This tree formation is in Boston, Massachusetts, along the Charles river. Looks like sunny rays on a cloudy day. 10/2/12

Ha, said I wouldn't be one of "those people" who start a blog and then drop it. I admit now that I am one of "those people"...but I'm back today. Life can throw you around at times. I have been thrown around a lot in my lifetime. Today I am feeling like a rag doll that's been chewed up by a dog. But I know I can be stitched back up. Cleaned up. Maybe some new fabric to patch up my frayed and tattered soul. New and Improved! could be the name of that book I've been thinking about writing. I recently read advice from Jeanette Walls (author of The Glass Castle) about writing down your story. Owning it. I have told people some things I've experienced that leaves them a bit speechless. They don't know what to say. I don't either. Bad things happen to good people, so we hear. Jeanette says we should embrace the bad experiences. Share them. So others can learn that they are not alone when the bad things happen. Not to keep them hidden. I'm thinking about it. It's a scary thing to reveal, yet I am feeling a very strong pull to write about it. I am at a time in my life when I feel I can change the direction of my life. for the better. Do things I never thought I deserved to do. Yes, I just said that. Do I deserve good things? I have good things in my life but do I feel that I deserve to have even more good things? The dreams that I have suffocated for so long? My dreams. The things I always wanted to do. This is what I find myself struggling with at times. I always want the best for my family and my children, but do I feel that I should have the best? I recently met up with an old friend. We connected through Facebook. We hadn't seen each other since we were 12! I remember back then how dysfunctional both of our lives were. So when we reunited a few weeks ago, I got to hear the rest of her story. She got to hear mine ( leading up to where we are now, at 45). And as the exchanging of stories took place, I realized something. She is one of the few people in my life that understand what it's like. What it's like to be in the middle of a family with so much dysfunction. And having no control over it. Because the direction of your life is being decided by people who make bad choices. We also have the power to make the good choices. And I will leave this page for now...to be continued...          

Little things that make me happy
Flying above the clouds and getting to see their bright happy side.
It's always sunny and bright above the clouds.
Just look at these delicious puffy clouds...
Makes you want to pick at them like cotton candy and eat them all up!

Art and Animation in Wisconsin
I'm back from my trip out to Wisconsin. Besides seeing my birthfamily again, I would have to say the highlight of this trip was my visit to Door County. It is an artists' paradise. Beautiful scenery to draw, paint, photograph. Art Galleries, schools. Fishing towns with quaint little shops. There is a school in Fish Creek called Penninsula School of Art. Their current temporary exhibition was The Art of Animation. (How did they know? I always wanted to be a cartoonist/animator when I grew up) I was so happy that this happened to be their current exhibit! It didn't disappoint, either. All of the artists were so talented, but I especially loved this story. "Flawed", by Andrea Dorfman. She is Canadian, as were all of the artists in this exhibit. I'll share it with you. I also have to say, on a side note, that this is a very busy few weeks for me. I will be writing more soon but I did just get back from my trip. And I've been non-stop since I've been home. And I'm taking my son to see the band Incubus tomorrow night. And we're bringing our daughter home from college on Friday, driving up to Boston and back in one day. I love keeping busy though, so no worries! It's alll good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDbFsLu_lRo

De-clutter
I am short on time to write this week. I'm getting ready to fly to Wisconsin to visit my birthfamily again!
This will be my second trip out there. I'm so excited! I thought I would show one of the very first pages I ever did in my art journal.  I did this two years ago, in June 2010, around the time I started my birthfamily search. Making that decision was one of the most difficult, scary, and rewarding I have ever made. But first I had to get rid of all of the bad thoughts, negative voices that kept creeping into my head. 
This page reflects that time period. I enjoy art journaling not only because it is an actual record of a certain time in your life, but also the release it gives. Ahh, clean swept, clutter free.
Just doing whatever you feel like doing on the page, whatever you feel like writing, just throwing it on there. No rules. No boundaries. It's your own.
You transfer the junk from your head onto the page and help to free your mind. 
That is what art and writing do for me. 

Monday
The day I do the laundry, vacuum, dust, wipe, scrub, scour, spray, put away, throw away, collect the dirty dishes that wandered up into a certain 16 year old boys room, clean out the fridge, go grocery shopping, put away the groceries. And just when I think I've had so much fun I can't frickin' stand it, I get to make dinner! Tonights dinner included mashed potatoes from scratch, thank you very much. Now I'm ready for my "weekend" of Tuesday and Wednesday. But, TGI...M? Not so sure.

HOPE
Can you imagine traveling by boat (in steerage, the inferior accommodations for passengers paying lowest fares) from your homeland in Poland, across the Atlantic ocean, to America, in 1865?
The desire to start a new life in America must have been so incredibly strong. Just think about what our ancestors had to endure in order to make a better life for themselves. And for their children. And their children...
I would like to take this moment right now to thank my Great Great Great Grandparents for their bravery.
I think of all of the steps of their journey they had to conquer in order to get to their final destination of Manitowoc, Wisconsin. There, they would find opportunity. Religious freedom. Hope for the future.
I have visited Ellis Island, New York City, twice. The last time was in 2007. I remember my other two visits, walking around Ellis Island. I felt I could almost hear the faint whispers of those who went through it's doors.
Even though many spoke different languages and were from different countries, there was one thing they all understood. A smile. And Hope.