The unexpected.    5/30/13

The surprises you encounter when you least expect them. This tree formation is in Boston, Massachusetts, along the Charles river. Looks like sunny rays on a cloudy day. 10/2/12

Ha, said I wouldn't be one of "those people" who start a blog and then drop it. I admit now that I am one of "those people"...but I'm back today. Life can throw you around at times. I have been thrown around a lot in my lifetime. Today I am feeling like a rag doll that's been chewed up by a dog. But I know I can be stitched back up. Cleaned up. Maybe some new fabric to patch up my frayed and tattered soul. New and Improved! could be the name of that book I've been thinking about writing. I recently read advice from Jeanette Walls (author of The Glass Castle) about writing down your story. Owning it. I have told people some things I've experienced that leaves them a bit speechless. They don't know what to say. I don't either. Bad things happen to good people, so we hear. Jeanette says we should embrace the bad experiences. Share them. So others can learn that they are not alone when the bad things happen. Not to keep them hidden. I'm thinking about it. It's a scary thing to reveal, yet I am feeling a very strong pull to write about it. I am at a time in my life when I feel I can change the direction of my life. for the better. Do things I never thought I deserved to do. Yes, I just said that. Do I deserve good things? I have good things in my life but do I feel that I deserve to have even more good things? The dreams that I have suffocated for so long? My dreams. The things I always wanted to do. This is what I find myself struggling with at times. I always want the best for my family and my children, but do I feel that I should have the best? I recently met up with an old friend. We connected through Facebook. We hadn't seen each other since we were 12! I remember back then how dysfunctional both of our lives were. So when we reunited a few weeks ago, I got to hear the rest of her story. She got to hear mine ( leading up to where we are now, at 45). And as the exchanging of stories took place, I realized something. She is one of the few people in my life that understand what it's like. What it's like to be in the middle of a family with so much dysfunction. And having no control over it. Because the direction of your life is being decided by people who make bad choices. We also have the power to make the good choices. And I will leave this page for now...to be continued...